Officially... Back In The Saddle

Okay, after a long, unexpected and unsure hiatus, I am officially back in the saddle. Where the hell have I been, you might ask? Well, since my last post, I have lived through my first Thanksgiving without my children, survived Christmas and all that that entails, made it completely through football cheerleading which then immediately segued into basketball cheerleading, put my older daughter into counseling, volunteered at school, rocked out on second grade homework to my satisfaction (but not to the satisfaction of Mrs. Second Grade Teacher), paid most of my bills on time, bickered with The Ex about shit too trivial to even mention - but of course I will later, developed somewhat of a social life and nurtured a new love life. Can you blame me for not having time to blog?

Actually, I needed a break. I needed a break to be able to let life happen so I could come up with some new material, and I needed to spend some time watching something other than the freakshows on craigslist. I needed to decide if this form of creativity, this form of expression is truly for me. I needed to really step back and spend some time analyzing if this is what I want to do. Okay, so I'm lying. I needed to get laid well, and often. Really, I needed to do all of the above, and not necessarily in that order. What I've come to realize is that with good sex and the right kind of testosterone in my life, I am not nearly as neurotic, panicky and anxiety ridden as I was when I had either the wrong kind of testosterone in my life or none at all. I was starting to get on my own nerves, which sometimes happens, but I was getting on my own nerves and I couldn't stop. I am also not quite as bitter about the divorce and The Ex. Yeah, I am still quite sore at him for a variety of things, but I feel like some of my bitterness and anger has finally begun to dissipate.

I've also realized that yes, this is my form of expression. I burned out on art in high school, poetried myself to death in college and in my early twenties, did absolutely nothing throughout my marriage except fantasize about all the ways I could be creative if I were single, and so here I am. This is me. This is Steph, for better or worse, bitter or mellow. I don't suck at art, poetry, trivia or shit talking (just to throw those last two in there), but I think I do better at writing. Age, wisdom, motherhood, marriage and divorce, career, friends, emotional cancer, losing people and gaining new, yeah, that has given me my impetus for writing.

So, blah blah blah, all that touchy-feely bullshit, and I'm back. Full of life and snark. Can't wait to start rolling it out again. Oh, yeah, and I've got a new tag - love life.