If My Blog Was A Vag

I think my title is grammatically correct, but for some reason I keep thinking "If My Blog Were A Vag" sounds grammatically correct, too. Except blog is singular, and were is plural, and they shouldn't mix. At least, I don't think so. Not so sure about vag, because that's a pretty new word, but I think that the plural of vag would be vages? Like pubes? But blog is also one of those newfangled words that is singular, but could also kind of be plural, so it falls in that big gray singular-plural area or grammar that I can't navigate very well. I'm going with the singular-singular agreement, or whatever it's called.

I've been perusing the blog world for the past day or so, in between obsessively checking facebook and looking at junk on craigslist. Literally, junk. Man junk. So I haven't been able to look at that many blogs, but what I've noticed is that I'm missing pictures and some super-hip background or layout or something. I've also noticed that my posts seem to be longer than the average. By a lot. I also think my writing is better that a fair amount of what I've seen, and I'm fascinated by the bloggers who discuss in great detail how many hours it took them to write a paragraph, why they got rejected by their publisher, revisions, how much work this is, blah blah blah. I don't know, maybe I'm just lucky and this comes easy to me. That and the fact that I'm writing mainly for me, which takes the pressure off. If you like it and decide you might want to send me some pics of your junk, that's cool too. Men only though, because I only play for one team. Anyway, what I've also noticed, after doing a variety of stupid Google searches, is that I can't seem to find a blog quite like mine in regards to content. Woman gets married, goes through ugly separation, has to learn how to be a single parent, and balance all of that with work, family, children and an overwhelming need to get laid and discuss all of the above in somewhat (okay, very) raunchy detail. I mean, I know that other women are going through this shit. So why can't I find these women and their blogs? I need to network the blogosphere (I hate the word network because it's gay as shit), get my links listed on their stuff so I can get more readers. If you know of a blog similar to what I describe, post the link on here, please. Help a sister out.

Because I'm a woman, I have the right to change my mind with absolutely zero notice, and to do so with glee and complete disregard for everyone else involved. Divorce notwithstanding. This kind of changing of the mind is similar to when a woman is the passenger seat of a car, navigating (because we do that SO well), and exactly in the middle of executing a right turn, the woman will say, "No! I meant left! Turn left here!"

And of course, you can't. Because you're executing a right turn. If this happens and the driver is a male, bad words will immediately begin to stream forth from the driver's lips. If the driver is a female, it's cool. We'll just turn around and go back and make the correct turn, because we've all done this. Kind of like I changed my mind about a blog I posted sometime in August, early on about not giving my stuff away anymore. Of course, I had been swayed by someone else's morality. But just because it works for you doesn't mean it will work for me. I need to just be me, and be good with that. 

What it comes down to is this: I'm starting to change my mind about my blog. I think I need to jazz it up some. It's too plain, too old-fashioned looking. If my blog was a vag, what I have right now would be some 1880's prairie vag, in a long cotton dress faded from too many washings and cooking over open fires on the wagon trail. This is my blog now. But I don't want to be that old 1880's prairie vag.

I want to be the new 2010 vag, the vag that's all decked out, de-pubed, beglittered and ready to par-tay. I need to vajazzle my blog. Seriously. So if you come by and check things out, it might look vastly different while I try different blog outfits on. All of the rest of this shit, just dressings, right? I mean, the heart and soul and spirit of the blog is the written word, and everything else just dresses and accessorizes it. I don't know when I'll get all of this shit done, quite honestly, and I don't know where I'll find all of these pics at, but I'll get it done. And then I'll ask, does this color make my blog look fat? Does this picture slenderize? Does this font make my hair look longer? Because that's what women do.