Ohhhhh, yes. I totally forgot that I signed up for match.com a few years ago for a work thing, and saved the email with the username and password. In fact, I signed up for hi5, tagged, meetmeinthebar, and a few others. Yes, bitches! I can look at the profiles now! Hahahahahaha! I am no longer restricted to craigslist. I am victorious!
So for my match.com search results for tonight, I've plugged in that I want to meet men between the ages of 32 - 42 (give or take five, right?) within 15 miles from my zip code; at least 5'6" because I'm a picky bitch and don't want to date a midget; I have screened out slender, heavyset and stocky builds, well, because what I like is the opposite of all three of those; and white guys only. Not that I have a problem dating other races, I'm just too fucking old to want to make a statement at this point in my life. Oh, and they have to be divorced. So here we go... hit the search button...
166 men out there meet my bare minimum criteria. I'll just comment on a few, because commenting on 166 mens profiles would annoy even me.
Guy #1 - 41 with salt-and-pepper hair. Um, not into guys that young that look that old. And he's a private investigator. Oh, fuck no.
Guy #2 - 34 and says his apartment smells of rich mahogany. Skinny, overgrown goatee (haven't those gone out yet?) and teeth are a little sketchy. But his friend in one of his pics is really cute.
Guy #3 - 39 and he's an attorney. Instant rule out. But I'll add that he's multilingual, looking for a slender woman (definitely not me, unless he's like most men and doesn't really grasp what women sizes are) and plays canasta. And he looks like David Hasselhoff.
Guy #4 - 39 and he looks like The Ex. Hell no. Can't do that again.
Guy #5 - 36, blond with an overgrown goatee. No kids and the highest level of education he picked for his dates was associates degree. Well, you've aimed too low for me.
Guy #6 - 33 and in the Coast Guard. Nuff said. Nope. Uniforms are hot, except for the janitorial kind and the Coast Guard. Sorry.
Guy #7 - 37 and he says he only wears Nautica. He looks gay.
Guy #8 - 33 and has this crazy overgrown hair thing growing down from his chin in one pic. Otherwise cute, but looking for women within a 75 mile radius of his rural county? What, have you gone through everyone else in your county and all the contiguous counties? Also looks like a redneck. He says life=high cost of living. Huh?
Guy #9 - 36 year old with a Jay Leno chin. He's checked every option available for his dates. I interpret this in one way - desperate. So no thanks to you or your chin, buddy.
Okay, I could go on and on, because I have 156 men left, but I'll space it out some. This could be fun!
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