Adventures in Online Dating #5

Day something of this new site, and I finally decided to email this guy back who winked at me. He changed his picture and looks different, familiar. He says he's from the Midlo, so who knows? I might have seen him in the grocery store or something. But it's nagging me, because I know I've run across this man before. I don't forget faces, generally. With my job, you take notice of people a little bit more. Even if it's just in passing, you might file the face away for later. And then, when later comes, I tend to sit around and search through that mental Rolodex, much like the CIA does with all their fancy computer shit, until I find the face and the place. 

So I've emailed this guy several times, and at this point, I'm not sure if he's stupid or a drunk, because I thought I was pretty clear on certain things in my profile. In fact, I think I was quite clever in some of my wording. This has been my most sincere and non-snarky profile post, as I'm paying for this one and feel like I should at least be somewhat honest. This guy I'm emailing... not too sure about him. So in the interest of getting feedback (and always providing my own commentary on my own comments), I'll give you my profile blow-by-blow. Keep in mind, I've done this sentence-by-sentence to provide said commentary, but it's actually in paragraph form and all that jazz on this website.

I am a soon-to-be divorcee (that sounds kind of 1950-ish, doesn't it?), and the mother of two awesome children who live with me full time during the school year.  This means that I am not available to go hang out in a dive bar or hibachi grill Monday through Thursday nights and every other weekend.

I have a full time career and sometimes over-involve myself in my childrens' activities. And maybe not even on the weekends I have free because my children are really important to me.

Book fairs, school functions, cheerleading, other sports, you name it. This is me providing examples of the fact that I'm not available 24/7 for you to try to hook up with.  

I watch a little TV and am getting back into reading. I'm not going to mention my pet project, Thy Blog.

I love Patricia Cornwell, Dan Brown, Tom Clancy and Jackie Collins, and am getting into Clive Cussler. Why can't I make it past the C's in the author alphabet? I also like Michael Crichton, but not enough to list him. You know, my complete inability to get hooked on any other authors that have a last name starting with D through Z bothers me sometimes. Anyway, back to the profile. I also left out that I tend to sneak around my favorite big box bookstore to read erotica and porn for free.

I don't watch a lot of movies, but if I do, I prefer they be action or drama.  It took a lot of effort for me to not include the part about hot naked men and heavy mechanized artillery. A LOT OF EFFORT.

If I had time to go to the gym I would, but I love to swim, water ski and snow ski, though I very rarely have time for that. I also don't have the money for most of that stuff and my swimsuit isn't the swimming kind, it's a show-off-the-girls kind.

I'd like to think there's not much I won't try once with the right person! I'm a freak. It's all about reading between the lines, here, fellas.

Musically, I listen to rock, alternative rock, pop, hip-hop, r & b, old school stuff to include old country, but I can't deal with new country. This means that if you watch more than "The Dukes of Hazzard" on CMT, we won't get along very well.

Regarding my dislikes, I am deathly allergic to jogging, olives and the color yellow. I also dislike The Ex and his mother, but felt it best to let that remain unsaid.

Preferably, I would like to meet men who are understanding of the limitations on my time. Here's yet another hint, this one not so subtle.

In fact, I've spent the last week wondering if I even have time to date. And another hint. My time is limited.

But I love men, and well... here I am. But I love men, and well... I need to get laid.

I'd like to get to know someone who is intelligent, articulate and passionate. You must be able to speak  proper English to get between these legs.

I have a very big personality and a strange but hilarious sense of humor, and would like to be with someone who can not only understand that, but maybe go toe to toe with me on it. You must take me as I am. I don't think saying I have a big personality feels or sounds quite right, because I feel like men might think that's code for saying I have a big ass, but damn. My personality is big. How else can I describe it?

I sometimes refer to myself as supersonic. :) Because I AM supersonic, bitches.

I'll debate anything and it sometimes deteriorates into trash talking. I will talk mad shit to you about anything.

I don't do a lot of fancy and exotic foods, but am more of a typical Southern girl. I might go to third base or beyond on the first date, but I won't tell anyone other than my 19 bestest girlfriends.

Sweet tea, fried chicken, corn bread, pie, so on and so forth. This means that if you take me out to eat to some nasty ass Vietnamese place, you won't be getting any of the aforementioned sentence.

I drink socially and will not tolerate any drug usage. Because even I have some standards.

Just not my thing. A simple clarification of the above.

I'm not particularly religious, and I don't care if you are, as long as you understand I'm not going to be converted. Can this be any more clear? Especially when I listed myself as Agnostic on my stats, or whatever those little blips of information are called?

Regarding relationships, chemistry, respect and mutual interests are important to me. If I like you (chemistry) and you're intelligent and articulate (which I respect), we can probably get passionate (mutual interests). I'm really proud of crafting two totally separate sentences in two totally different paragraphs that really tie together so fabulously.

Without these things, it's a hard row to hoe. Or there will be NONE.

So... that's me. I'd love to meet someone that may share similar interests to have some good times with. Good times. Note that I did not say share a life together. I did not say embark upon a special journey... blah blah blah. Good times, baby, good times.

And, there we have it. My profile and what I meant. So why is this jackass emailing me about what church do I go to? Ummmm, none, because I consider myself to be an agnostic, have forever and a day (just lied to The Ex about it for years to play nice) and I'm good with it. Is there a church for that? Unitarians, maybe? I don't know. So I sent him a nice little email back that basically said that he must have me mistaken for someone else, because I've stated in my profile that I'm agnostic and don't fucking try to convert me. Actually, as these emails were going back and forth, I think I've stopped on one face and place in my Rolodex in my brain. I think this guy took his kids to the same summer camp as I did. I noticed him because (if this is the same guy, and I'm thinking it might be), he was driving this big ass Hummer and always dressed really nicely. I don't know if I'd want to date someone that drives a Hummer though. Kind of pretentious. All right, all right, all right. It's very pretentious, especially right now.

We'll see. I'm still not so sure about this whole online dating thing.