Sometimes, there's nothing unusual on craigslist, just the normal tripe, which really isn't that interesting. And then other times... I hit the jackpot. Another trifecta tonight.
Looking for a females make friend with between 30 to 40 with some cultural heritage with the exception of American. A person who like and respect other cultures, bilingual, outdoor enthusiast and is bored like me. No stupid girls or spam please….
This post was titled "Females hipanic, indian, asian, cuban except american". Okay, if that's what this guy needs, then he should probably move to South American, the Caribbean, India, Asia, somewhere like that. In fact, he should join the military and they might just send him there for free. If he doesn't end up in one of those exotic locales, he'll certainly end up in Germany or the Middle East, where he can develop an affinity for Arabic women. But he's not going to do that, because that would probably require he do some work. Instead, he's just going to be lazy and put himself out there on craigslist and wait for the women to come to him. And really, he's not looking for a woman who is truly Hispanic, Indian, Asian or Cuban, he's looking for an American woman who is perpetrating to be something else because he's had such bad luck with American women and because he's just a typical lazy jackass American man who likes to drink beer and look at porn. Wait, this could be The Ex. Nah, can't be. He's too much of a close-minded asshole for this.
I'm SWM looking for a SWF that is looking for a great guy. I'm 5'9", dark blonde hair, blue eyes. I'm not the type of guy that is going to be all over you, and have to know where you are at all times. I'm not a control freak. I like my independence just as much as you do. I have my self together. I have my own vehicle, I have a job, and I have my own house. I have a life that I like living, and I'm just looking for someone to share it with. I can't tell you what type of person that I am because there is no way to define it. I have a very wide range of likes and dislikes. If you are interested in getting to know a really unique and very caring guy, then email me. I could go on and tell you how I treat women, but all they are are just words. I like to let my actions do the talking. What am I looking for? Someone who will care for me as much as I will them. Someone who is attractive in my eyes. Good conversation. The most physical things that can draw me in are beautiful eyes, and a smile that can light up a room. Please send a picture so that I know who I am addressing. I will send you back a picture in return. Also, please put the phrase "Just A Dream" in the subject line so that I know you are not a bot. Thanks. PS - Don't be afraid to email me if you have a child. I love kids.
And what we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a child molester. Seriously, what man without kids seeks out women with kids? The child molesting type, that's who. I was going to cut out all of the shit in the middle of the ad, but I thought that would detract from the whole package that is this child molester. Watch out, girls, this guy will be your best friend. He'll suck you right in, love you, love your kids, show up to do yard work for you, fix stuff around your house, will want to do weekend daytime dates with you so the kids can come along, will wine you and dine you, will offer to babysit, become your dream man, so on and so on. It's called grooming, and he's off to a good start.
Of course I saved the best for last.
Titled "How much do you like your dog??" The title says it all babe... I want to watch and play with you as you play with your best friend...Yes this is real, for those of you that know what I'm talking about get back to me?
First of all, I feel lucky to have stumbled across this one, because it's ripe for the flagging. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? A girl and her best friend? Ohhhhhhh myyyyyy godddddd, that is so disgusting. So this jackass wants a threesome with eight legs. Yeah, work that out in your head. I rock second grade math! I only have to use my fingers to subtract half the time! Hell yeah! I almost can't even believe this got posted, but then I wonder if it's some kind of joke posting from an afternoon of football drinking gone awry in the waning night that is Sunday. I feel like this might have originated in a dorm room and it's all about the laughs and seeing if you can get an action picture out of whatever sorry ass woman responds or seeing how far you can take this thing before you just get grossed out and insist to your dorm buddies and suite mates that chickening out on a girl and her dog isn't being a pussy, it's being grossed out and they just need to shut the fuck up or call her themselves.
Shit talking amongst friends is a bitch. It's more of a bitch than date-shit talking, because you can remove the date person from your life if that shit talking goes bad. It's harder to eliminate your friends from your life if the shit talking goes bad, because they just keep popping up randomly to remind you of your shit talking epic failure or to engage you in with a new topic (and that person would generally be me). Kind of like a buddy of mine at work who brings his girlfriend's lunch bag to work. It's one of those neoprene kind of lunch bags, except it's super cute and obviously designed with a girl in mind, considering the amount of pink on it and the fact that it looks like, well, a purse. The look that he gives me when I stroll into his office and see the lunch bag, and then make the inevitable comment, "I see you brought your purse to work today. Nice." And then I duck out of his office real quick-like, once the cursing has begun, and if I'm feeling extra cocky and full of caffeine, I'll make that one last comment. Because like all cocky shit talkers, I need to get the last word in. Getting the last word in is like shit talking crack, what you really talk shit for to begin with. So I might get the last word in, and if the response is either "Fuck you" or "Shut the fuck up", then I know I've won. No further conversation necessary. And I'll say, having lost my share of shit talking battles, having to say either of those phrases is physically and psychologically difficult, as it's the verbal equivalent of throwing in the towel. Either way, both parties are probably going to laugh, one sheepishly and the other confidently. There can only be one winner when it comes to shit talking. So regarding the guy who wants a bestiality-tinged threesome, either this is one sick dude, or this is some shit talking that's getting ready to go awry but he can't cry uncle yet.
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