18 Years

Today is my 18 year anniversary with my employer. Actually, agency, since I work for the guv. The guvment, the guvnah, the man, what-have-you. I never thought that I would make it this long. It's either a testament to how much I've matured over the years, or how bad all of my supervisors' documentation has been. Probably a combination of both. I feel old saying I've been around for 18 years, especially since I'm only 36.

I never really had one of those monumental birthdays in life where things suddenly looked different, but I started to feel different, older, after my last birthday. I would get this sudden, deep glimpse of sorrow for all the things in life I always wanted to do but realized I probably never will. I also got, and I'm being dead serious, sudden, deep glimpses of sorrow for all the things The Ex and I had planned to do when we got older and I no longer wanted any part of. Well, I guess that issue has been resolved. Thanks, divorce. But, yeah, I feel old saying I've been around for 18 years. It's like that moment in life when you realize you've got more of your career behind you than in front of you. I can retire in another 14 years with full benefits. I probably won't, because my youngest daughter will be in college about that time, and now, luckily, I can carry my children on my insurance until they are 26 years of adult age. Yes, Obama Administration, I'd love to work another 21 years so my daughters can grow up, go to college, get bachelors, masters, PhDs and then lay around the house bitching that they can't find a job because they're over educated. Thank God for the military, because that's where my little princesses will be if they try that shit on me.

I love my career and I love what I do. It's not for the faint of heart, and if you know me, you know I am anything but faint of heart. I don't mind getting up and going to work every morning because I know that after all this time, I'm still making a difference. And since I've been around for 18 years, I think I can say with all certainty that this is not being said with the same naivete as someone who is fresh out of college looking to save the world. I know I can't save the world, and I really don't want to. I want to do what the fuck I do, I want to do it well and I want to deliver quality for the quantities every day. I generally do that, and I'm proud of that. I deliver a few fuck ups here and there, but we all do that. Sometimes, making mistakes is how we learn. Again, thanks, divorce.

18 years. Wow. I've realized, that although saying this makes me feel old, it also gives me a little extra umph when I happen to get in to little snits with dewy faced co-workers who are fresh out of college, have their tits hanging out all over the place and are looking to save the world. I can say stupid shit like, "I've forgotten more than you'll probably be able to figure out in the next 10 years", "Yeah, well, I've been doing this since you were wearing diapers, so maybe you should just listen for a few minutes", and "I don't think I've gotten a raise since you were in middle school. I mean, this is the State we're talking about" (which is patent bullshit, but it sounds good).  Do they think I'm jaded? Probably. Do they come back and ask me how to make something happen? Of course. I find myself hanging out with other old timers at work, and comparing who was doing what in 1995 and where they worked in the guv.

I had a few nay-sayers back in the hot, sticky days of August of 1992 who predicted I wouldn't last six months. Heeeeeyyyy, what's up, motherfuckers? Still here, dammit, and still going strong. How ya like me now?