When my daughters first said last summer that they wanted to do cheerleading for their fall activity, I had no idea exactly how much of an undertaking this would be. I didn't plan on being a coach, I didn't plan on spending two nights per week during the summer at cheerleading practice and for some stupid reason, I just didn't even think about the fact that I would spending three plus hours every Saturday at a football field. I also didn't know that basketball season would see me driving to three separate games every weekend for two months. I didn't know that little girls could have so much drama to them. Well, okay, I knew that part. But I didn't know about the whole social aspect to it, the alpha female jockeying that my older daughter would engage in, and that there was a whole other social game being played by the moms, the coaches and the cheer director. I just thought we would all go out there, whether it be at practice or at the games, do what we had to do, either as coaches or parents, and that would be that.
I forgot that any time you have four or more women together the possibility for drama is increased exponentially. Actually drama can happen if you have the wrong mix of two women together, as witnessed by every reality show since the early 90's. Now, I feel like I'm fairly intelligent. However, there are just some social nuances that I am completely oblivious to, and the drama created by some of the women in this cheerleading organization has been one of them, at least until basketball season. I've been oblivious to this kind of stuff in my career and personal life as well, and I'm always somewhat astounded that all of this drama is going on. Now, as a disclaimer, don't get me wrong. I've started plenty of my own drama and sucked many other people into it, but I find that as I get older and more mature, it's largely just bullshit that isn't that enjoyable and takes my focus away from my kids or whatever the job at hand is. Like my job. But that's only if we were talking about work, and I'm not.
Since we've moved into basketball season and I'm not coaching, I've had the opportunity to really sit back and watch the dynamics of all of these women. I think the reason I didn't notice any of this during football season was that I just didn't have time. Too tied up with trying to figure out what the fuck I was doing and which little cheerleader had their skirt twisted around the wrong way. So here are the women I've been dealing with and assiduously watching, though not in that creepy stalker kind of way:
The older daughter's coach - I first got to know this woman during football practice. Imagine my surprise (consternation?) to find out she is the older sister of The Ex's best friend, so she's known the bastard longer than I have. Hmmm, there's a mole on the team. That was my first impression, so I was very careful about what I said to her. But over the months we've developed a loose kind of friendship, all of it revolving around cheerleading and I've gotten the impression that she's about as unimpressed with The Ex as I am. She and The Ex were voted in by the association as co-chairs of the Ways and Means Committee, and now he's giving her the run-around about some fundraising stuff. I am glad that he's spreading the joy of his bullshit around. I feel vilified when she bitches about him.
The older daughter's team mom/assistant coach - This is also the mother of my older daughter's best friend, and she and I are good. She takes no shit off of anyone and doesn't mind the drama queen that is my older daughter.
The younger daughter's coach - This woman was my assistant coach during football season, but then said she would be the coach for basketball. Knock.Yourself.Out is what I told her, because I needed a break and was relieved that someone else was willing to step up to the plate. I've since realized that this woman can stir up shit like no one's business, and I probably disappointed her when I didn't fight and argue over who was going to be the coach for basketball season. She's stirred up shit with the basketball director, the older daughter's coach, one of the mothers of the cheerleading squad, the athletic association in general, and is probably going to work on the new cheer director and the football director. I've come to the conclusion that most people who engage in such a high level of shit stirring generally have miserable lives. The fact that this woman's daughter still poops in her pants kind of drives that point home. And yeah, the daughter will be six this year. I really feel more sorry for the daughter than for anyone else. But whatever, I've learned to give this woman wide berth and make no comments about anyone around her.
The younger daughter's assistant coach - She stepped up in basketball season and then shared that she was a cheerleader in high school. Uh, why the fuck didn't you step up in football season then? She has taught the girls some cute cheers and knows all of the movements, but I think her personality is too gentle and kind for a complete bitch like me to ever really like her completely. For some reason I felt like she was extra soft and sensitive with the girls to make up for the fact that I was a complete drill sergeant with them. "Peanut butter, jelly, spppppprrrrreeeeeaaaaddddd out!!!!" versus me yelling, "Stop talking! Spread out! You don't need to be touching each other!" Whatever. They knew how to stand and walk in a straight line (kind of) and some level of cheer etiquette by the time they got to her. Boot camp always the worst part, but it's the part you remember the best.
The outgoing (or outgone) cheer director - This woman makes me look like an organizational genius. Which I am and all, but really. My younger daughter could run a tighter show than this woman. And stop sending me Flicker invites, or whatever they are. I don't want to join to look at pictures of your daughter.
The incoming cheer director - I still haven't felt this woman out yet. She recently sent me an invite on facebook and I accepted, after actually giving it some thought, because my first instinct was that she wanted to spy on my life. But then I wasn't quite sure if there would be repercussions for my daughters if I ignored the friend request, so I went back through my comments and deleted a few of them regarding cheerleading because in retrospect they seemed a little catty. I then went through the comments on the older daughter's coach's facebook and her comments about cheerleading were way worse and I felt better, especially when the older daughter's coach didn't delete the comments on her page before accepting this woman's friend request. facebook can really complicate some shit, but I keep going back obsessively.
The clique-y moms - I am not in this group, because I haven't been invited and if I were (it's always "if I were", right?) I wouldn't want to because I feel like this group is a little too gossipy and I'm just not involved with the whole athletic organization to gossip. When it comes to gossip, I'm a taker and not much of a giver. I consider this to be me having finally refined the whole gossiping thing. When I say I'm a taker, I'll listen to anything and make sympathetic noises. But I don't put much out, unless it's something I wouldn't mind saying to that person's face. So about the gossip, I have a few people (and none of them affiliated with this athletic organization) that I will get down and dirty with, because those are the people that I can trust to either not repeat what I've said or at least not attribute it to me. And my skill at this, yep, this is how I know so much of what's going on in my workplace. Making sympathetic noises and mmmm-hmmmm noises is what it's all about. I've determined that this skill alone would take me at least halfway through a reality TV show. Skillz, baby, skillz.
So we have three championship games tomorrow and the girls are cheering at two of them. Lunch will be served in between the games and I plan on sneaking the three kids I am in charge of (two of mine plus one more) outside after lunch and very sneakily giving them some Coke as a bribe to behave and cheer nicely for the second game, too. We have our banquet next weekend and cheerleading will be over. I bitch about it incessantly, but for real, I've really enjoyed the whole thing. Even if my daughters don't do cheerleading next year, I'll be doing the whole athletic association thing and dragging them along with me to the games.
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