Psychologist, Heal Thy Child

I came to the conclusion that I needed to put my older daughter in counseling around November. Behavioral issues, problems with her attitude, problems at school... It was not pretty. My beautiful little almost eight year old was not doing well and I didn't know what to do to help her. Every time I think about all the shit I've been through in the past year, I know that what she has been through has been a thousand times worse. I remember when my parents split up and it sucked.

For whatever it's worth, I've tried to do better by her and her sister than my parents were able to do. I found a place to move to in her school district so she wouldn't have to change schools, and I did my best to make sure her father could keep the house so she would be able to go back to the only house she had ever lived in. I have worked really hard to just let all of his passive-aggressive comments roll off my back, and I arranged a special birthday dinner for her with The Ex and The Girlfriend (see, capitalized!) so she would know that Mommy really can get along just fine. I've answered her questions as best I can about the divorce, and tried to explain it in the most honest way possible. I've worked freakishly hard to hide my love life from her, because she's so busy dealing with all the shit The Ex is throwing at her that I don't know if she can handle anything new from me. I've tried to be there with just hugs and love, and be as consistent and stable as I can be.

The latest thing that she mentions, weekly, is when The Ex and The Girlfriend get married and fill in the blank here. Her psychologist thinks that this is her way of preparing herself for it. She asked me a couple of weeks ago if I like The Girlfriend. I told her that I thought The Girlfriend was very nice and she seems like she sincerely likes my daughters. I also told her that if she liked The Girlfriend, then that's all that mattered. And for real, The Girlfriend seems pretty decent. I suspect that I will end up liking her more than I like The Ex. The psychologist says that The Girlfriend will probably help The Ex to be a better parent, but I am a little doubtful of this, because The Girlfriend doesn't have children. There have been a few times at sporting events, etc., where I've caught The Girlfriend looking at my children like they're little aliens. Whatever. They'll break her ass in.

I wish I had known when I got married that The Ex wasn't going to shake out to be the most dedicated father. But I suppose my mother wished the same thing about my father. The Ex asked me, early in the separation what he could do to not treat our daughters like my father treated me. I explained that all he had to do was make the children his priority and not blow them off for something stupid. I just didn't think accomplishing that would be hard. Apparently it is, because I just read on his facebook that the reason he couldn't come and see his younger daughter cheer tonight was because he was at a local bar. Obviously way more important than his child. Kind of like when he picked the children up from before and after care last week for his weekly night with them and took them straight to the neighbors house (where he left them to be fed dinner by the neighbor) because he had to take care of buying a car. Seven days in the week... you have them one night... that leaves six whole other nights for you to buy a car, and you do it on the one night you have the children? Anyway, thanks, Mom, for never unfriending him and then giving me your password. You rock!

Sadly, I almost think the children are getting kind of used to it. He's stopped calling every night, and the children have stopped asking. I don't remind them because I don't really want them to notice because I am scared that when they do notice, like I did with my father, they will then be able to do the math and figure out they aren't a top priority. But when he does call at about ten minutes before bedtime, he acts confused about what time they go to bed and tells me they get to stay up later at his house. Did I mention that he also got shitty about having to pay the co-pays for the psychologist? Um, how about I pay ALL of the health insurance? But it's all good, because I've just realized that I can itemize medical expenses and insurance on my taxes and I will be making sure I throw away all of the medical receipts for the child I erroneously agreed to let him claim on taxes. How you like me now, douchebag?

And so our visits with the psychologist continue, and we've even spread it out to three week intervals. I am seeing my beautiful little girl with her beautiful little personality return to me, and I hope that this is something that she will come out on the other side stronger for. I hope.