Freakshow of the Day

It's my pleasure to bring you today's personal ad, straight from craigslist. I've combined the paragraphs because I don't want to give this jackass too much room on my blog.

"Mmm...delicious grilled swordfish topped with sauté of black olive, chopped walnut, onion, Roma, basil, minced clove, a little salt and pepper with Bertoli... I am having quite the mouth-gasm on my deck under the unseen stars and dribble of refreshing rain. But what should I drink? The Honey Moon, Killian's, Fosters, or Chardonnay? [New Paragraph] Hmmm, key words...: onyx, espresso, scarlet, bruised plum, brushed nickel or aluminum, antique bronze, iron, Rialto stone, marble, slate; functional modern, ancient or Victorian; painter, drawer, poet, builder, refurbisher, mechanically inclined; mostly extroverted, rather laugh than cry, a few beers or a bottle of good wine not a case; home owner, vehicle owner, decent job though not ' rich '; jeep or truck v. car; passionate, compassionate, animal lover, deep kisses; river rocks, caves, woods, mountains; technologically inclined, Apple smashes PC :) [New Paragraph] I would quite like to find a lovely gal to enjoy a dinner like this with me, go for walks, have just regular fun, laugh, just live in love and passion. I've been deeply hurt, but life is too short and I must move on now. Move on to more loving and happy things. I still have a bit of a wild hair but have been ready to settle down, indeed thought that I had, so there is an ongoing monogamy that I am seeking. I have my quirks and there are things, at thirty, that I like in the bedroom, so I am quite certainly not a straight edge by any means. I am, however, not into drugs, heavy beverage use, or STD's. It is quite a joy to take care of my woman and not in a sugar daddy sense. So no silly trollops misinterpreting that please. [New Paragraph] Yes, no picture. People know me. Once I verify that you are indeed real I would be happy to send you one. I am Caucasian, height weight proportionate, nonsmoker, ddf, single. [New Paragraph] Gosh, I am sickly sated with gastronomical pleasures...washed down quite well with Honey Moon."

Okay, is it just me or this douchebag also a pompous (although probably well educated) jackass or WHAT? Either that or he's gay and just doesn't know it, because what man cooks like that for himself?????  Men scratch their nuts and eat raw meat when they're alone. I know this. Come on, let's be for real. And what is up with those keywords? Bruised plum? Huh? Why does that make me think of back door sex gone horribly wrong for the woman? Maybe this is his way of articulating that he's a renaissance metrosexual without just saying he's a renaissance metrosexual. I dislike his comment that it's a joy to take care of his woman. I'm think we might have landed in that gray area between chauvinism and sadism. Also note him saying he would quite like to find... this guy is either British or he wants to be. I don't have much more to say, because I think this whole ad pretty much speaks for itself. Consider it yet another shining example of why I'm a little scared to venture out there into the dating world.