Stuff I Don't Like

Since I was laid up in the house all day, being sick for real, I had the opportunity to watch a couple of movies, completely uninterrupted by some child wanting this, wanting that, can you do this, can you do that... I'm not a movie person. I generally say that I don't have the patience to watch movies, but I think that might make me sound like I have ADHD, which I don't have. I think the problem is that the movies just aren't good enough to hold my attention. Most movies could actually be a 30 minute short film, or whatever they call them. Longer is not always better, Hollywood. I haven't been to the movie theater in years, 2001 to be exact, because movies are too expensive to not be fucking awesome. I'm intrigued with the new Bow-Tie Cinemas on the Boulevard, though, because it's a dinner, beer and movie kind of place, like the old Cinema and Drafthouse was. Maybe if I ever go on a date again, that might be a good place. The key words in that sentence are maybe, if and ever.

Not only do I not watch a whole lot of movies, the movies I do watch are usually watched standing up running from one room to the next, doing the mom thing, because it's impossible to sit down and watch a movie when you have children in the house. It's just impossible. My children, and don't get me wrong--I love them to DEATH--are little cockblockers. They cockblock me having a clean house, watching movies all the way through, sleeping late, having money, getting laid. All the fun stuff that a normal adult wants to do. Anyway, I've actually watched a ton of movies, but I've seen on average, about 34.892 minutes of each movie, and even that was broken up into segments. I've seen "There's Something About Mary" at least 20 times, but I've never seen any of the segments I've watched in the correct order, and every time I watch it I see something new. I'm left to believe that the movie doesn't make any sense, and therefore why would I want to sit down and watch the whole thing through? Every segment sucked. I'm sure it actually didn't, but you try to watch a movie in 5 minute increments for years, and you'll eventually believe that it sucks, too.

So today, since I was home alone, I watched a few segments of "Charlie Wilson's War", which I've seen other segments of, and quite honestly, I'm not impressed. What I'm left with is that maybe, just maybe, we should have just let the Russkies have Afghanistan. If we had just left the whole thing alone, I bet we wouldn't be messing around over there right now. I just bet. Furthermore, this will get me into the whole conversation that we don't need to be the world's police force. Since I haven't watched the whole movie all the way through, and because I'm not up on my Afghan history, I don't know if we were providing them weapons and shit to protect our investments or just to be dicks to the Soviets and because it was the height of the Cold War. What continues to piss me off is that now we're sending our servicemen and women over there to try to find some slippery bastard in a mountain range and our people are getting shot up and killed with the exact weapons we provided them with in the early 80's. But hindsight is always 20/20, right?

And then I watched, no segments here, the entirety of "Bridget Jones's Diary", which is one of those quintessential chick flicks. This bring me to the topic at hand, stuff I don't like, which would be chick flicks. In fact, I hate chick flicks, and I watch them very sporadically for two reasons: to give the genre yet another chance to not be complete tripe, and then to be completely annoyed when I discover, yep, it's still tripe. And here's why: chick flicks = fairy tales, albeit of the modern sort. Now, as a disclaimer, I am jaded. Obviously. But these movies, it's all about the happily ever after. And life doesn't work like that, or at least, it hasn't for me. I've lived a million fairy tales, and I've had a million happily ever afters, but the ever afters were never really ever afters. They were finite, and maybe some were over before they ever started and I just didn't know it. I'm annoyed that I'm two days away from not being 36 anymore, and I'm faced with the fact that I haven't had my happily ever after yet. I'm faced with the fact that I may never have my happily ever after. I don't know, it's hard to say. People come into our lives for a reason, and some stay in our lives for a reason, and others don't. Or maybe, I need to realign my thinking, and realize that this is my happily ever after. I don't like being negative, because it takes a lot more work to be negative and unhappy. I functioned like that for most of my 20's, and it didn't work out well. Maybe that negativity is what led to my marriage, my desperation for a happily ever after, and all of this shit has come full circle and this is my happily ever after. Like I said, I don't know.

In the interest of not being an unhappy and cranky bitch, here's a movie genre that does falls into the category of "Stuff I Like"--this would be action films and stuff with men in it. And not the dumbass men who are in chick flicks, at least not the characters. I've seen parts and pieces of all the "Bourne" films, and that's good stuff. I like movies with crazy car chases and/or heavy weaponry. That makes me happy. My primal estrogen was stirred up for about a week after watching "Jarhead".  I'll never tell, but if any future date wants to get lucky, that's the movie to pop in the DVD.