I Can Do This

I've survived almost two full weeks of the children being back in school, and I think I've got this thing down to a science. Thank god I'm one organized bitch, because otherwise all three of us would be total train wrecks. I realized last week that I needed to start doing dinner menus, because I can't cook, so that really narrows down what we'll be having for dinner. Add cheerleading practice and other school functions into it, and good grief, that narrows it down even more. But the children are not overly picky eaters, so that expands it back out a little bit. Maybe.

I ran out this past Sunday and bought a paper, and came home and clipped coupons, because I need to make sure that we're not eating out every night. Not because I wouldn't like to do that, but that adds up very quickly, in dollars and pounds. So I came up with two weeks worth of menus (and figured out all the nights we have activities and when they'll be with The Ex), picked out my coupons that I needed, checked to see what I already had and went grocery shopping for one week's worth of food, because I know I'll run out of other stuff in that week and will still need to go out next week. Kroger, baby, because if you time the coupons right with the Kroger card, you can knock a fair amount off of your total amount of money spent. The older daughter generally likes to buy her lunch at school, so that saves a little bit of time and money, and I'm hoping that once the kindergartners can start buying lunch, I'll be able to save even more time and money with that.

I think almost every cabinet in my kitchen has something taped to it. That's how I keep shit straight, put it right where it's literally in my face every day and then hopefully, I won't forget and won't accidentally teach myself how to visually tune it out. One cabinet has the children's resource schedule, so I'll know who needs to wear sneakers for gym on what day, who needs to take a library book back, and when to expect clothes to get trashed from art. Also on that cabinet is the school lunch menu, and I've surpassed my organization on that whole thing this year. I send money for school lunches in to the school in twenty dollar increments, and I've begun to keep track of who buys lunches on what days by circling the date for the older daughter, and x'ing the date for the younger daughter (who hasn't bought any lunches yet). This way I'll know exactly when to send more money in for what child, and I won't wonder if either the child is buying $5.00 worth of food every day or if the school is screwing me. On another cabinet is the statement from the gymnastics place telling me what my credit is with them and how long it's good for. I got a credit when the older daughter broke her arm at the beginning of  the summer and couldn't finish her gymnastics program. I'll be using that credit towards a holiday camp, so I can save some money on childcare when school is out. On another cabinet is the football and cheerleading schedule, and another cabinet is the most recent birthday invitation. Hanging on the side of a cabinet is the school calendar with all the age-applicable school events highlighted, and stuck to yet another cabinet is a list of the shit I volunteered to do for the PTA, so I know that if they call and tell me I volunteered for something, I can check to make sure I really did volunteer for it. Oh, and an update? The special education committee at school wants ME. So take that, you hateful regular education teachers who have no desire to have someone come in periodically and quietly work their ass for you.

Tonight I sat down and filled out a scholastic book order and got about $30.00 worth of books for $4.00, so kiss my ass, big-box book seller who is looking for a buyer. That had to go in it's own envelope with all of the information on the outside of said envelope. I filled out a spirit wear form, because they don't sell spirit wear all year. Older daughter gets a new sweatshirt and younger daughter gets a new t-shirt. Mommy gets a car magnet for the refrigerator because I hate car magnets on cars. That has to go in it's own envelope, too. Completed the order form for the younger daughter's weekly reader and sent the check with that. Yep, another envelope. Filled out the optional school counseling/small group permission slips for both children to do small groups with the school counselor on divorced families. Yet another envelope. 

I sorted through my bills that I paid at work the other day, because bill paying at home might cut into my craigslist time, packed lunches, drank copious amounts of sweet tea, thought about watering the lawn - but didn't because we're on mandatory water restriction and I don't know if these neighbors will snitch me out or not, managed to troll around on craigslist, cleaned the kitchen, sorted through my cheerleading stuff and other stuff that was so trivial I don't even remember doing it.

I can totally do this single parent thing, because I've realized in the last two weeks that what I don't have is someone running behind me messing up my fabulous organization. Some people in life, they're kind of like Pig Pen from the Snoopy comic. These people just go through life with this big cloud of stuff around them. Pig Pen had this big cloud of dirt around him, and I've met people who walk around in clouds of drama, clouds of ignorance, clouds of disorganization. It's not something you can see right off, but over time it becomes more and more apparent. I always think of Pig Pen when I realize someone has a cloud of something they carry around with them. My cloud would be organization, and The Ex's cloud? Well, that would be running behind me, having to put his hands in every little thing I did, and usually changing something without telling me, doing something because his way was better, generally just fucking up my program altogether. The absolute worst part was the arguing about everything. Every last fucking thing was an argument, or some lengthy lecture that was always delivered in a very condescending tone while he paced back and forth in front of me, like I was some errant child. I usually ended up walking away feeling so angry and frustrated, because even before I knew it-knew it, I knew something wasn't right, and that if misery had a name, it was Stephanie. The Ex is one of those people who has to be in charge of everything. It didn't matter if he didn't know what he was doing, it didn't matter that there might be another way. As long as he was in charge, and making me feel like shit, all was well in his world.  During the ugly few months of the separation before I moved out, he told me one night that he treated me as badly as he did because I treated him badly first. Huh? Are you kidding me? Way to try to shift the blame off on someone else.

Not arguing is wonderful. It's peaceful. I really like it. And it makes me a better person, a better mom, and I feel like I am finally able to start making things right with the children. Being a single parent is nowhere near as hard as being married to an asshole, and that feels really good.