The Ten Commandments of Steph

I'll begin this by saying that I am not religious, at all. I might be a little bit spiritual, but I'm not religious. I know that everyone's got their own thing, and that's fine. Some things in life are not for me and organized religion happens to be a big part of what's not for me. I'm okay with other people being into it, but I continue to be amazed by how many other people are not okay with it with me not being into it. But that's their thing, and that's a big part of why I generally steer clear of those folks. So goodbye, former mother-in-law. I have sung Happy Birthday to Jesus every Christmas for the last fucking time ever. We even had a birthday cake for Jesus, and would gather around it to sing the birthday song every year. I usually tried to time my cigarette breaks around when I thought this was getting ready to happen. One year I was so stressed out by being there that I had an open bottle of wine stashed in the car and I'd stand out in the driveway and power smoke two cigarettes and drink straight out of the bottle because my mother-in-law didn't allow drinking in her house. I don't think I'll miss having her in my life. I always wondered what the bakery people from Winn-Dixie thought when they were decorating this cake every year, because it said, "Happy Birthday, Jesus". I always figured that they would be like, who the hell is this Hay-seus having a birthday that this old lady keeps ordering cakes for?

Obviously, my ten commandments are not religious in nature. This is just some shit that I'm trying to live my life by and teach my kids. And they're not in any particular order.

1. If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
2. Everyone makes mistakes. It's what you do next that determines your true character.
3. White eggs and white milk come from city chickens and city cows. Brown eggs and brown milk come from country chickens and country cows.
4. Treat credit cards and variable rate mortgages like you would a snake. All three will bite you in the ass when you're least expecting it.
5. Coconut makes hair grow on your ass.
6. Every time your kids get on your nerves, be grateful they can.
7. Don't kill yourself over your GPA in college. Employers really don't give a shit and in less than five years, it ceases to be a bragging point.
8. Don't ask anyone to do something that you wouldn't do yourself.
9. Be kind, but don't be a dumbass. Know when to say enough is enough.
10. Be the person you want your kids to grow up and be.

Well, there it is. And if you don't have kids, sorry, I don't have backups for numbers 6 and 10. Deal with it.